BE Strong

#WithStrongGirls
#ONEcampain *

 *“This song is part of One’s poverty is sexist campaign, which calls for targeted investments to overcome the barriers that disproportionately affect women, not least in education and health.”  TheGuardian.com

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#bethelight

ourdeepestfear

Be the light.

#bethelight

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8/31 :: Plan A Spa Day

spaday
Over the last three days, we’ve shared with you ideas for spending some time with your daughter over spa-type activities, including Chocolate Facials, Manicures and Nail Art, and Moisturizing Avocado Hair Mask. Put them all together and add a few things to create a spa-type atmosphere, and wah-la… Spa Day. It has been hands down the favorite day for girls who participated in Pearls For Girls Confidence Workshops over the past two summers, and it gave us the opportunity to discuss real beauty with our girls. You can read this, this and this first so that you have some ideas about real beauty to discuss with your girl. DSC_0383 Add aroma therapy candles {my favorites for Spa Day have herbal scents, like lavender, verbena, and especially sage} and new age instrumental music {try Spa Radio and other stations on Pandora} to create the perfect spa atmosphere. DSC_0403
Add cucumber slices to decrease eye puffiness, and clean, moist clothes heated in the microwave to open pores before facials. {Be careful with the heat… warm your wet clothes slowly in the microwave, increasing the time in small increments to be sure not to burn your fingers or nose!} DSC_0405
Encourage her to wear a comfy robe and hold her hair back with a fun elastic or cotton hair band. Don’t forget the fluffy slippers, or flip flops if you are planning for a pedi! DSC_0410
Take turns applying each other’s facials, nail polish and hair mask. Remember that your openness to these activities will give her the freedom to enjoy them, too. Don’t worry if your polish isn’t perfect or your hair mask has too much green goop… none of these treatments are permanent. Criticism and disapproval will destroy her confidence and trust. What matters are the moments you are sharing and the opportunities it gives you to have meaningful conversations with her… moments for you two to connect.

 

DSC_0406

And even if your polish is a bit gloppy, I would encourage you to wear it anyway… Praise her. Let her overhear you praising her efforts, her work, and the time you spent together. This might be the most important part of your time spent together… that she knows you value it, that you are grateful for it, and that you look forward to doing it again.

*

{our models are all girls who attended our first Confidence Workshop in 2013}

connect2

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7/31 :: Moisturizing Avocado Hair Mask

mask

Spending an hour or two with your daughter doing activities that interest her is one of the best ways to connect with her. These mini spa treatments are perfect for your tween or teen, and will have the added benefit of making her feel beautiful and pampered. We already showed you how to make a Chocolate Facial and gave you some ideas for Manicures and Nail Art. Today we’ll show you how to make her hair soft and shiny.

 

Moisturizing Avocado Hair Mask

 

Ingredients::

1  banana
1/2 avocado
2 Tbs honey
1 egg
3 Tbs olive oil

DSC_1553 Drop into blender and mix until fluffy… DSC_1554

 

DSC_1555 …if not somewhat foamy. DSC_1556  Apply generously, from root to tip {despite the fact that we started from tip and progressed to root}. :) DSC_1558 Twist hair up, and smooth it down on top of your head. DSC_1564 Cover with a plastic bag and let sit for 30-45 mins.

Shampoo twice to cut through the oils; condition and style as usual. Repeat once or twice monthly for smooth, silky hair.

connect2

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#LikeAGirl

perfect.

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bully

bul·ly1

ˈbo͝olē/
verb
gerund or present participle: bullying
  1. use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
    “a local man was bullied into helping them”
    synonyms: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate,strong-arm, dominate;

    {image by google}

    What Is Bullying?

Defining bullying is important because we have become desensitized by violence and bullying disguised as humor in media and news outlets. Some believe that bullying is a rite of passage, a normal developmental stage – both of which are untrue. Bullying in the workplace is sometimes hard to see because bullies of higher rank might just be seen as mean managers or bosses. But bullying is bullying, whether one is 11 or 43, male or female, dominant or subordinate, and should not be tolerated.

Bullying can be defined as an unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power¹. Others define it as a purposeful attempt to control another person² through unwanted verbal or physical abuse. It can be actions that occur repeatedly or just once¹·², and can occur in almost any setting including home, school and work. Bullying can include but is not limited to one or any combination of the following:

  • making threats
  • physical or verbal intimidation
  • exclusion
  • physical (hitting, punching, pushing or any unwanted touch) or verbal (criticizing, teasing, name-calling, mocking, insulting, demeaning) attacks
  • spreading lies or rumors
  • cyber bullying (unwanted sharing of pictures, posing as someone on social media, spreading rumors or lies, harassment)

The two common aspects included in most definitions of bullying are:

  • imbalance of power
  • intent to cause harm

and to a lesser extent

  • repetition

 

A bully can be:

  • a classmate
  • a workmate (a colleague, manager or boss)
  • a parent or sibling
  • a neighbor or stranger

 

A bully might demonstrate the following behaviors³:

  • aggression, nastiness, spitefulness and combativeness
  • impulsiveness, quick to anger
  • controlling and manipulative
  • defiance and pushiness
  • unfeeling towards victims

 

Why Do Bullies Bully?

There are several different reasons why a bully bullies, but usually when someone bullies, he or she is seeking power {and domination}, or the demonstration of power. Many times a bully was either bullied himself, or has experienced failure in some other area of his or her life. Sometimes, people who have power want to show others that they have it, or they don’t possess leadership skills to use with their power {watch for our subsequent article, “The Difference Between Leaders and Bullies”}. And some bullies do so to keep from becoming bullied themselves. This type of bully is known as a Secondary Bully².

Regardless of why a bully bullies, the damaging and destructive results of his behaviors are the same.

 

Stand up to bullying

{image courtesy: jssnpcc cssp}

 

Please join Pearls for Girls for this summer mini series, No Bullies Here. In our next post we will describe the difference between a leader and a bully. You can read previous posts on bullying from our Thrive series by clicking on the links:

No Bullies Here 

 What’s Really Going On With Our Girls

Girls Don’t Bully… Do They?

Cyberbullying

Cliques

Dear Parents

Bullying and The Witness

It Gets Better

You can also read other posts on bullying, which gave rise to Pearls For Girls, on Finding Serendipity.

Self Esteem and Bullying

Alye

Self-Esteem and The Bullied

Self-Esteem and The Bully

Self-Esteem and The Witness

How Girls Bully and Suggestions to Stop It

 

 

1. www.stopbullying.gov
2. www.bullyingstatistics.org
3. www.pbs.org

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No Bullies Here Summer Mini-Series

goteamgirls

I was recently sitting with a small group of girls. When another girl came over and tried to join in, there was some taunting and general expression of discontent about her joining us. The little girl sat down, and after a few moments, I noticed her sitting hunched over, turning into herself, tears rolling her cheeks.

I thought {only for a moment} ::

This isn’t my place – it’s not my right to say anything about this.

My second thought was

If I don’t, who will?

And

Can I really let this opportunity to have an impact on a whole group of girls pass?

No. I absolutely cannot. 

It’s been said that it takes a village and I’m here to tell you that it really does. I told the girls that I needed to interrupt. I told them that what I had to say had nothing to do with what they were doing there, but it needed to be said. Plus, I told them, this issue is really big with me.

I told them they will have enough meanness in their lifetimes from outside sources, from other people, from their workplaces and unfortunately at school, that they do not have to be mean to each other. They need to look out for each other. They need to support each other. Even if they don’t know someone new to their group, or for whatever reason, don’t feel drawn to be friends with them, they don’t need to be unwelcoming, and they certainly don’t need to make negative comments to or about them. I told them to be kind, to be welcoming, or at the very least, just be quiet. I told them they are on Team Girls. To support each other just because they are girls. And although I really hope not, someday, they might need some girls to be supportive of them.

Go, Team Girls.

***

no bullies here

We’ve talked about bullying here before, and you can find a plethora of information on the internet. This is an injustice that just about every single person has experienced or witnessed, so it really can’t be addressed enough. Over the next couple of weeks, we will be hosting a summer mini-series to continue our discussion from October 2013 called,

No Bullies Here.

The following posts will be added to the series:

  • What Is Bullying and Why Bullies Do It
  • The Difference Between a Bully and a Leader
  • How To Parent A Bully
  • When A Bully Grows Up :: Adult Bullies
  • How To Stand Up To An Adult Bully

We hope you will join us and become a part of the solution.

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maya

Maya Angelou died today at the age of eighty-six.  She had many titles, but maybe what she did best was making people feel good.  A master poet, author, educator,  actress, activist, and humanitarian, she had much to say on the subject of girls -and women- feeling good about themselves.  I could only wish to live as she lived and leave behind the legacy she has now left.

One thing she said was, “People will often forget what you said or what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”  That profound statement causes me to pause and ask myself how am I doing at this?  Do I draw people to me because of the way I make them feel?  I hope so.

In honor of the life she led, here is one of Maya Angelou’s great poems that I believe fits nicely with what we here at Pearls for Girls are trying to do – encourage. Read carefully between the lines here.  I think you’ll find that this “phenomenal woman” exudes confidence!

 

 

Phenomenal Woman

 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

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Your Ultimate June Summer Fitness Plan

Your Ultimate June Summer Fitness Challenge

 Summer is here.  It’s time to bring out the swim suits and hit the lake!

Every girl wants to feel confident about herself and her body when it comes to summer.  What better way to achieve this goal than sticking to a workout to keep  in shape and stay healthy?  Obtaining a healthy body is easy when sticking to a plan. Lack of commitment is the biggest obstacle in reaching and maintaining a healthy body.

Kick start your fitness goals by following the plan below for the next few weeks.  Just remember to always focus on your goal and keep your eyes on the prize. Maintaining a healthy diet, drinking plenty of water, and getting the right amount of sleep are all important aspects in maintaining a healthy body.

If you’re thinking you can’t do this on your own, grab a buddy to workout with.  Your buddy can keep you in line, be a motivator, and make achieving your goals a lot easier.

And don’t stop after the month of June! Make up your own work-out calendar and challenges.

If you have trouble with commitment, print the calendar below and stick it on your refrigerator.  Every time you walk in the kitchen you’ll be reminded of your workout for the day.

Your Ultimate June Summer Fitness Challenge

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What To Do, What To Do

onlydowhatyourhearttellsyou

 

It’s that time of year that we have some decisions to make… how to spend our summer, what jobs we hope to work, what colleges to choose, {what majors to declare}… Even for those lucky enough, we need to decide how do we spend our leisure time.

We’ll have some ideas and suggestions here at Pearls for Girls over the next couple of weeks, but for now, we’d like you to sit with this thought.

Do Only What Your Heart Tells You

Princess Diana had it right… She knew that the world needs people who are passionate in what they do, whatEVER that might be… Because when you are passionate about what you do, you tend to do it really, really well.

So think about it.  Share with us in the comments or on Facebook what you decide, in case there are some of us out there who are indecisive. You might inspire someone.

And as for us?  So far?   :)

This summer, we will work side-by-side with a new intern, a graduate student in Public Health who is completing her practicum with us, as she tackles pediatric obesity in the underserved. We will also be conducting a Leadership Workshop and repeating our Confidence Workshops. And lastly, we will be planning a 5K run for the fall… If you live locally, we hope you will join us.

Enjoy your last days of school, bast in the joy of your accomplishments and know that we are proud of you.

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